Reflection

Every day he wakes up looks in the mirror.

He is a very liked person and has a lot of “friends”.

There is never a dull moment in his life.

But with all these people he knows, he feels alone.

There is this empty void inside.

 

He tried filling with activities…

Working out, drinking, smoking and always trying to hang out to escape the feeling.

Sometimes he even uses women to fill that void just to run away from his emotions.

There is something that he can’t put his finger on for why he can’t fill that void.

 

One day it hit him like a Tyson punch.

The void that is there is there because he allows it to be there.

Excuse after excuse, didn’t want to blame himself. Always blaming his environment or his situation when he controls all of it.

 

He finally is staring back at his reflections accepting the faults and accepting his own demons.

Start a new path and ready to rebuild himself from the ground up.

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The Last Time

The last date we went on was the best experience of my life. We looked great and it was a great night.

The last time we made love it was beautiful. Our bodies as one expressing our love for each other was beautiful.

This was also the last time we said I love you to each other.

The last time you saw me you looked at me with love, anger and despair.

The last time you held me..

you held me wishing circumstances were different.

The last time we talked it was anger and pain.

This is the last time I will ever make you feel that way.

This is the last time I will hurt you

A Letter to My Future Husband

There are times when I will be difficult to love. I tell you this with certainty because it took me eighteen years to learn how to love myself.

There will be days when I come home and I won’t want to speak to anyone. I’ll reach for the covers to hide underneath because the outside world makes me want to crash into myself sometimes. There will be days when I come home and the only thing rolling off of me is anger. I’ll curse like a sailor and say things that would make my mother blush, but only because all the bitter truths I swallow find a way to heave themselves back up.

But most of the time, I’ll come home and the first thing I’ll do is wrap myself around you. I’ll kiss your cheek and ask you about your day just because I want you to keep talking. I’ll lay my head on your chest and listen as you talk about nothing and everything all at once. I’ll curl up next to you on the couch and let you have the remote after three episodes of The Office. …or four. When I fall asleep through the first half of the football game, I just want you to know that I’d rather you put the blanket over both of us and hold me close.

I need you to know that despite how hard I still find it to love myself, I will never hesitate in the way that I love you.

I promise to try my absolute best before I call you to get rid of the spider. I will not take up more than my half of the sink with countless makeup and skincare products. I will not tell you that I’m not hungry and then steal fries from your plate…a lot. I will not hog the covers and sleep only on your side of the bed. But I will get up at two in the morning to get you water for the nights that you’re not feeling well. I’ll give you a back massage on the days the weight of the world makes your shoulders hunch. I’ll talk your ear off in reassurances and mold my body to the shape of yours so that all you ever feel…is safe.

I will be difficult to love at times. I will come home sad and heavy, or bitter and angry but darling, I will always come home because loving you will be easier than anything else I’ve ever had to do.

By Kaniz Hossain

Letting Go

Hi Dad

It’s been 26 years

26 long years, 9,490 days and 13,665,600 minutes have gone by and we never met.

All this time I wonder why

For all these years I never received a birthday letter, for all these days I never had a conversation for you, for all these minutes I never receive a call.

You had a fling with my mom and I understand now that all flings don’t lead to loving romance but from that you created life. You made what every man wants and that’s a son.

Your bloodline will continue through me.

Even though we………

We never played catch, never showed me how to drive, never yelled at me for doing something stupid, never gave me life advice. I never even seen a picture of you.

I have suppressed the thoughts of you for a very long time…I locked them away in my mind to a place to never be seen…from time to time I wonder, was I not good enough for you?

Why don’t you want me?

Why have you never tried to see or even just call me…

Years its felt like I was sinking deeper and deeper into depression like quicksand, thinking about why you left me with headaches that felt like someone was hitting me in the head with hammer. I have drowned myself in tears over the feeling of worthless. I have hung myself with emotions thinking why you left me.

This letter isn’t me asking for answers this letter is me letting go of this feeling of despair, the pain and the heartbreak. I am letting  go, I have held on to you for so long. It’s time for me to give all the time you didn’t give me and give it to myself so I can live.

Bye dad

Purpose

He doesn’t know why he is here

He only wanted to be here for you

To serve, protect and love you

Without you there is no him

 

Without you he must find his purpose

He only worked to have you

Got complacent didn’t want to work just wanted you

Losing you he lost himself

 

He’s on a path to find himself

He’s scared that once he does you won’t be available.

Then he would have to ask again

What is his Purpose.

 

Cup of Tea

Sorrow stood on my doorstep like an uninvited old friend,
toeing my welcome mat with the tip of her scuffed boot.
Maybe it was the familiarity of the gesture that brought me to
take her hands in mine and invite her in for a cup of tea.
The blush of her oversized sweater seemed to highlight the lack of color in her cheeks.

And suddenly, I felt too naked in my tank top and shorts.

I wondered if she could see that her blue didn’t stain my wrists anymore.
I used to keep my door unlocked and the hallway light on,
just in case she needed a somewhere safe to spend the night.
Somewhere familiar.

These days, I turn the knob on both locks of my door
and make sure all the lights have been turned off
before climbing into the comfort of my bed.

The first night Sorrow knocked on my door.
Loud, abrasive, unapologetic about the late night intrusion.
The second night, she knocked once more.
Rhythmic, gentle, remorseful of yesterday’s behavior.
The third night, she knocked once and then left me alone.
Looking at her now with my grandmother’s china warming her hands,
I realized that she had long since overstayed her welcome.

 

by Kaniz Hossain

Obsession

He looks at her every day she is all he sees when he is out and when he closes his eyes. He has this obsession with her which is not healthy. He wants to be next to her 24/7 365. When she is around she brings this calm and peace to his sanity that he hasn’t had since his grandma died. She pushed him to be better always on him to never be satisfied. He hurt her by stepping out. He justified it in his head by saying she always had something going on, she never let him in which is all excuses he didn’t deserve to get in. He doesn’t even deserve to know her. He sits all day in his room staring at the bathtub just wondering if he ended it all he would make people lives better. He doesn’t because he is afraid of ending because when he sees his reflection he sees someone that can have redemption, that can get things on track but he is just afraid of failure. That person he sees is in the mirror is the biggest hurdle in his life. One day he hopes to overcome it or maybe one day he will choose to succumb to it.

By Kasceim Graham

See the world the world through my eyes. Words is one of the greatest form of expression. Let the words of me and my friends move you..