Dear 2017

Dear 2017

At times, you were my greatest enemy and my best love.

I fell in love with you at the very beginning.

All I wanted was to be with you.

You gave me so many experiences.

You let me see some of my idols this year.

 

Over time you give me some of the worst pain of my life.

To make me a better man, you gave me some of the hardest life lessons I had to learn.

You made me sit back and analyze my relationships with myself and my friends.

Even though you through me in the cave and threw away the key…

You let me drown in my sorrows…

Left me in Penrose walking until my feet bleed.

Trapped me in the prison of my own thoughts because you knew that was the worst sentence I could get

Then you released me back into society into a new place as a second chance at redemption.

At first, I didn’t think I deserve redemption.

 

Then you gave me new light.

Showed me that I do deserve happiness.

That I don’t need to be my worst enemy.

Helped me build new relationships.

Reevaluate old ones.

Best thing of all you showed me that through it all

There is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Lost soul

The thought of you gets me sentimental

All in my head

These feelings have me all caught up.

Reminiscing on our love and the way we use to be.

 

The memories of you infiltrate my dreams like Freddy.

Playing Russian roulette with a loaded gun,

Shooting new memories into my head to get over you.

This game doesn’t end well,

But I just want it to end

 

This feeling of pain controls me.

It has power over me

As much as I despise this feeling.

I yearn for this feeling …

It keeps us together

This pain is the only way I can keep you around.

Let go of the pain and I let go of you

 

Desire becomes surrender and surrender becomes power.

You have power over me,

I surrender my soul to you and

I desire to be with you.

I am powerless when it comes to you

Flashing Lights

She poses for the cameras.
Everyone tells her that she doesn’t need a career just pose for the camera.
Don’t use your mind just smile and get by.
Every day she keeps posing
Each Flash takes a piece of her soul each time

Wants to inspire change and help her family and people.
She has no support system.
They just tell her to keep posing and making that money.
Don’t use ya mind just use ya body.
Her eyes are the portal to her soul that is battered
From the words of the world telling her she isn’t good enough

Every night she lays down wishing she wasn’t alone,
She can’t give herself because she is scared to be treated like the others.
After prolonged exposure to others
The tighter her aperture gets.
Through the shutters you can see the loss of quality in her soul.

She is better than that.
She works to get out the fixed lens of her life.
Every night she studies in the books to prove that she is more than just looks.
Prove that women are more than just beauty.
Prove to the world she can make it.
While she grinds it out
She sits in the chair…
Puts on the vest to protect her soul and
Gets ready to show

Survivor

I have decided to stomp on my fear and stand in solidarity with all the women I know who are stepping forward as well.

When I was eighteen, I was assaulted by someone I loved and someone I thought loved me. It took me months of therapy and reflection to recognize it as assault because my mind just could not comprehend that someone who claimed to care about me would ever violate my trust like that. I couldn’t imagine how someone could hear me say no repeatedly, and still feel entitled to take from me what I did not want to offer. It makes me paranoid when people are in my space now. I start to get anxious when someone won’t take “no” for an answer. Survivors of sexual assault almost always have some form of PTSD and this is just a small example of how mine manifests.

Studies show that 1 in every 5 women will face some form of sexual harassment or assault in her lifetime. These are not odds that I can live with. I’m stepping forward to speak out against the notion that unwanted sexual attention can always be justified. I’m speaking out against the destruction of my safe space because “boys will be boys” and “these things happen”.

By joining the army of survivors that started this movement, I am reclaiming the control that was taken from me. The only way we can eradicate rape culture is by setting a better example for future generations. Teach your sons that no always means no. Teach your daughters how to say no with the strength of all the women she comes from.

There is a war raging against women right now and we have a long way to go until victory. But the journey will only begin if we all take the first step together.

By Kaniz